In order to thrive, a child must experience the consistent and ongoing care by a loving, nurturing caregiver, whether that person is a parent or substitute caregiver. The security and support that such an adult can provide gives a child the self-confidence and resiliency to cope effectively with stress.
To mature emotionally and socially, children must interact with people outside the home. These interactions typically occur with close relatives; friends; neighbors; and people at childcare sites, schools, churches, and sports teams or other activities. By coping with the minor stresses and conflicts inherent in these interactions, children gradually acquire the skills to handle more significant stressors. Children also learn by watching how the adults in their lives handle distress.
Certain major events, such as illness, parental conflicts and divorce, may challenge a child's abilities to cope. These events may also interfere with the child's emotional and social development. For example, a chronic illness may prevent a child from participating in activities and also impair performance in school.
Children often have difficulty talking about unpleasant topics. However, open discussion can help the child deal with difficult or embarrassing topics and dispel irrational fears. A child needs to know that anxiety is normal and anxious feelings will lessen over time. Parents should discuss difficult topics during a quiet time, in a private place, and when the child is interested. Parents should remain calm, present factual information, and give the child undivided attention. Acknowledging what the child says with phrases such as "I understand" or with a quiet nod encourages the child to confide.
Reflecting back what the child says is also encouraging. Asking how the child feels can also encourage discussion of sensitive emotions or fears—for example, fear of abandonment by the noncustodial parent during a divorce or guilt for causing the divorce.
By disclosing their own feelings, parents encourage children to acknowledge their fears and concerns. Sometimes children, particularly younger ones, need to hear the same message repeatedly. Sometimes a parent must raise a difficult topic with a child, such as telling the child about a serious illness in or death of a relative or friend. If tragedy affects someone else, children may feel more confident, and less helpless, if they can contribute—for example, by picking flowers; writing or drawing a card; wrapping a present; or collecting food, clothing, money, or toys.
When a child appears withdrawn or sad, refuses to engage in usual activities, or becomes aggressive, the parent should seek professional help. Throughout any discussion, parents should reassure their children that they are loved and will be supported.